In pictures: Bastille Day parade

France has been celebrating Bastille Day with a huge military parade down the Avenue des Champs-Elysees in Paris, involving 4,000 marching soldiers and police, 65 aircraft and 241 mounted horsemen.

In pictures: Bastille Day parade

Apple launches iPhone in Canada

Lyndsie Bourgon

THE CANADIAN PRESS

A year after their American counterparts were first able to buy Apple's much-vaunted iPhone, hundreds of Canadians spent hours in line to be among the first in this country to come away with the hottest tech toy going.

What they queued up for Friday is a next-generation version of the smartphone that lets users surf the Internet and check their email with the added bonus that it works just like an iPod, storing and playing music and video.

About 70 people gathered in the early morning hours outside a Halifax mall to be the among the first in the country to snag an iPhone, some arriving as early as 2 a.m. to beat the expected rush.

"I feel kind of lame, but kind of awesome all at the same time," said Christian Meagher, who was the first to buy one of the smartphones.

"I think it will be cool, but I think a lot of people are making a bigger deal than need be right now. It's just a phone, a cool phone, but just a phone."

The rollout didn't come off without a hitch – a problem emerged involving Apple Inc.'s iTunes software that prevented some phones from being fully activated in store, as had been planned.

Rogers Wireless employees placed some customers' phones on hold for them behind the counter, saying when the system was back up they'd receive a phone call from Rogers and could return to the store to activate the device.

Calls to a Rogers representative about the problem were not immediately returned.

Meagher, 29, a worker at the Halifax Casino, said he decided to make his purchase after hearing that the exclusive Canadian carrier, Rogers Wireless (TSX: RCI.B), had lowered the iPhone's data price to three years at $30 a month for a limited time, just days before the launch.

"That's 100 per cent of the reason I'm here today," said Meagher. "It was fairly ridiculous before."

Officials at the Halifax store, which sold out around 10 a.m., said they expected crowds to grow as the day moved along, handing out numbered tickets to the people who had assembled ahead of the opening.

In Toronto, about 150 people stood in drizzling rain to await the early opening of a Rogers store, where only 20 of the 16 gigabyte and 80 of the eight gigabyte versions of the phones were on hand.

First in line was Jordan Brown, a 16-year-old student, who began his wait at 4 p.m. on Thursday. He said the first person he will call is a friend who called him "a loser" for waiting in line so long.

"I was originally going to come yesterday around 10 p.m. but I came by to ask when they expected people to start lining up – I figured that I didn't have enough time to go home and get my stuff and be first, so I just decided to stay," said Brown.

While his friends took off to the Canada's Wonderland amusement park, Brown spent the night "sitting down, standing up, and giving interviews. I slept for 20 minutes."

"Every two minutes people kept asking 'What are you here for?' And I just kept saying: 'The iPhone.' People kept calling me crazy but I didn't care."

Rogers Wireless hasn't said how many iPhones it has received to sell in Canada or would like to sell here, but has said it has sufficient inventory of the "3G" or third-generation version.

Part of the phone's allure is its multifunctionality, said Brian Rocafort, a freelance videographer who joined the Toronto line at 5:30 p.m. the day before.

"It wasn't bad until 430 a.m. when it started to pour rain, and that kind of sucked," said Rocafort, adding it was worth the wait.

"It combines so many gadgets I have with into one user-friendly interface. I can use it for my personal business and it keeps me connected wherever I am."

Apple has said it hopes to sell 10 million iPhones worldwide by the end of this year.

Launches of the 3G iPhone – an earlier, less powerful version debuted in the U.S. last June – took place in 22 countries around the world Friday, a celebration at Japanese carrier Softbank Corp.'s store in Tokyo featuring dramatic swirls of smoke and a digital clock ticking away over the entrance.

In the United States, where the gadgets debuted last year, iPhones were becoming available at 8 a.m. in each time zone, giving Apple aficionados time before the weekend to see just how the company upgraded the second version of the device with faster Internet navigation and dozens of new software programs.

Select Rogers stores are opening up at 8 a.m. local time to sell iPhones in Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver, Ottawa, Calgary and Halifax.

The iPhone now sells for $200, less than half its price a year ago when the first generation of the device was launched in the United States.

Rogers has the only Canadian network capable of running the new, faster iPhone. The $30 data fee applies to Web browsing, email and video on a three-year contract for customers who activate by Aug. 31.

The iPhone uses 3G wireless technology on a GSM network, which is widely used in Europe and Asia, comprising about 70 per cent of the global market.

Research In Motion's (RIM:TSX) BlackBerry and Apple's iPhone are competing against each other, and other smartphone makers, in both the consumer and business markets.

Reality television is the new wrestling

Reality television is the new wrestling

Ramsay hams it up on Hell's Kitchen.

TV Stevie has just finished watching Sopranos season one on DVD and can't believe Tony's own mom tried to whack him.
Email TV Stevie


Is it just me, or is reality television openly mocking us at this point?

I don’t know exactly when it happened, and I certainly don’t know how it happened (although I could hazard a few solid guesses), but reality TV has somehow become the modern-day equivalent of what pro wrestling was to me as a kid growing up in the 1980s. It’s in that strange nether-region that hovers somewhere between real and fake, the point at which you’re about 99 percent positive that most of what you’re watching is pure poppycock, yet that leftover one percent is enough to keep you intrigued.

And by “you,” of course, I mean “me.” I wouldn't dare implicate you in this.

From a very early age, before I ever had a chance to experience wrestling from the perspective that it was real, my dad explained to me, in no uncertain terms, that it was all fake. He told me some hackneyed story about meeting (or maybe it was a friend who met him) Gorgeous George, Bobo Brazil or possibly some other wrestler who wrestled in the 1960s, well before I was born. It was at a gas station -- my old man was filling his car...or did he work there? -- and the two rasslers came pulling in.

Apparently, wrestlers like Gorgeous and Bobo like to suck down the wobbly pops, so they were about halfway around the loop-dee-loop by the time they encountered my pops. Loose beers make for loose lips, so they started bragging to my old man – and whoever else was within earshot – about how wrestling was fixed (even though wrestlers were held to a cone of silence called "Kayfabe" back then).

That's the story my dad heard, and that was the one that I heard the very first time I watched wrestling.

Of course, it's a story I was probably told when I was around six-years-old, so there’s a better-than-good chance that I haven’t reported even one accurate detail. And while I could ask the old guy, I have a sneaking suspicion he made this story up, which probably means he couldn’t remember the details himself.

You can rest assured that if either Bobo or George were posthumously charged with a crime, my dad’s testimony about seeing them at a gas station sometime in and around the late-1960s, well, that probably wouldn’t be accepted by a court of law as evidence that could help get them off.

The point is (and yes, even I’m surprised that I have one) that from a very early age, I watched wrestling even though I was 99 percent sure that it was fake (that one percent was the part of me that believed the story was entirely BS). This made me watch it differently than I would have if I was one of those kids who believed it was all real and cried every time a King Kong Bundy-come-lately would squish Hulk Hogan and give him fake broken ribs.

I watched it differently from most kids. I was detached, watching in amazement mostly at the ability of the wrestlers to capture the audience more than enjoying them as performers. I rarely had a rooting interest, but I always had total interest in the spectacle as a whole. And that's the same way I approach reality television now.

The chef's tantrums are beginning to look insincere.

I’ve reached a state of disbelief with reality television. We don’t really know what’s real and what’s fake anymore. We have our suspicions, sure, but unless you’re involved with the production of a show you can’t say with true certainty that you know what parts of reality television are completely staged. But it's that very mind-trick that makes it interesting.

And I’m not even talking about shows like The Hills or any of the other hypnotic slop produced by MTV or VH1 that egregiously flouts the codes and standards of the genre (i.e. at least make it sort of realish). These are the shows that make it perfectly clear to one and all that being labelled as “reality” doesn’t mean anything at all.

The other day, I wrote a column in which I openly questioned whether Corey Haim and Corey Feldman could be despicable enough to lie about being molested as kids to boost the ratings of their own reality show. Yet, now that I think about it some more, even if they were molested, they have obviously chosen to use it as a way to gain an audience for their show. I can’t pass judgment on that one way or another because I don’t know what it’s like to be either of them, but it definitely says something about the state of reality TV that they would use it and that we might not necessarily believe them.

On Tuesday night, I watched the second-to-last episode of Hell’s Kitchen, which I’ve been following all season for no particular reason (I like Gordon Ramsay, but at this point, watching him on Hell’s Kitchen is like watching somebody else do an over-the-top Ramsay impersonation). Kitchen is what you'd technically call a "reality competition" show, which means that there’re a bunch of players competing for a prize, so everything should be on the up-and-up.

But Hell’s Kitchen is quite fake, and is on many levels a scripted show masquerading as a reality show. Ramsay is the star, and everything is set up to have him explode on the players during every episode. You get the distinct impression that if you spoke to one of the competitors after the conclusion of taping, they’d tell you that Ramsay is a lunatic on camera and a very chilled-out dude when the little red light is turned off. So that’s not reality. It’s called acting.

Japanese game shows are plain weird.

And the Hell’s Kitchen game itself is clearly manipulated to make the show as entertaining as possible, fairness be damned. Ramsay has full autonomy over all decisions regarding who stays and who goes (although it’s quite possible there are producers whispering in his ear), so he basically makes the rules, enforces them when convenient, and breaks them as needed. There have been so many times where Ramsay has told the winning chef to nominate two people for elimination, only later to choose somebody completely different to send home. He obviously knew who he would send, so why the charade?

Tuesday’s episode also gave the public its first look at Assertiveness Training For the Kitchen, during which Ramsay spent an entire segment of the show teaching the final three of Corey, Christina and Petrozza how to control their kitchens by throwing: 1) tantrums; 2) dishes; and 3) their blood pressure through the roof. I found it somewhat insulting that Hell’s Kitchen would offer such obvious filler content as they stretched what could’ve been the season finale into yet another episode. But while I found it insulting, that's not to say it was surprising.

When I was a kid, wrestling constantly insulted the intelligence of its fans. They assumed that because we enjoyed their product, that meant that we must be idiots. After all, who could enjoy something that’s fake? Wrestling demanded that its audience suspend its disbelief. When a guy came out after two months away with a little face make-up, we were expected to believe that it was a completely different guy. And, while we may not have really believed, we played along because the end result was usually satisfying (as in good over evil, followed by rejoicing).

The line between fact and fiction has become increasingly confusing over the past few years (or, to be truthful, pretty much since I was born). Content is being developed ever more cleverly every year, and we're getting more sophisticated in our viewing habits, too. They think up trickier ways to trick us, and then we teach ourselves how not to be tricked. It’s the eternal game of cat-and-mouse, and since it can often be fun, many of us continue to play it.

To this day, wrestling still prefers to avoid outwardly admitting its fakeness. It has something to do with maintaining the illusion. But while the outcomes of the matches are predetermined, that doesn’t mean that some of the punches aren’t leaving welts, or that a few necks won’t be broken, or that the guys wouldn’t pump themselves full of steroids to land themselves in one of the elusive top money spots, and that there isn’t bad blood flowing in many directions. So, in a way, wrestling is as real as anything else on TV. Now that we know the on-screen product is generally planned, it’s the same (in realness) as The Young & The Restless or King of Queens; straight-up entertainment and nothing more.

A furry Scott Howard was the world's greatest 4' 9" basketball star.

The reality TV bubble has looked like it was close to bursting for years, yet still it remains mostly inflated. More new shows still come along under the reality umbrella than any other. Television is cheaper to produce when you can replace actors with actual talent (or not) with random people who are just happy to be on TV with a chance at a prize. It’s a lottery mentality come to television, with TV producers merely reaping the profits normally reserved for the government.

I still watch reality television all the time, and it’s only partly because of this job. While I may not have made the effort to record I Survived a Japanese Game Show (which I could only describe with a word that rhymes with "pre-farted") or Wipeout (which I haven't yet watched), I'd still tune into my fair share of Dog Whisperers or episodes of ‘Til Debt Do Us Part (the truth is out: my vice is Slice). And, of course, Survivor still has exalted status in my household.

But I’ve been around the TV block a few times by now, I’ve talked to people who know people, and I’ve drawn my own conclusions. It’s time for us to be clear about the fact that anything you see on reality television could be as rigged as Michael J. Fox winning the championship for his school in Teen Wolf without calling wolfing out. (As an aside, I’ve always wondered what Scott Howard did after high school. Did he take over his dad’s hardware store? Did he go to college? Did he say, “Screw it! I'm a basketball-playing werewolf and I can go straight to the NBA to make millions?" So many questions…)

Just know that when you’re watching a show like L.A. Ink, there’s every chance in the world that although it might seem that Kat Von D and Pixie have been friends for years, there’s a very solid chance that Pixie was just some random actress who had to go through a series of auditions and signed a contract that she'd shut up about it if anybody pressed her for details.

Wrestling is fake, but at least it has the decency to admit it (and believe me, that’s probably as far as the WWE’s decency can extend). That admittal was what allowed it to get through a huge steroids scandal back in the 1990s. Would reality television be better off if it was equally honest? Probably not. Would the rest of us be better off? It’s hard to say. Would the whole genre need a giant scandal to ever come clean? Would we be better off if it did?

Chances are that we’d be less confused, but also less entertained, if and when the whole reality TV thing blows apart. TV is just a little juicier when you still think there’s a slim chance it could be real. Otherwise, I’d still probably be watching as much wrestling as the six-year-old version of myself.

TV shows and movies shouldn't mix

TV shows and movies shouldn't mix

I could live without a Friends movie.

TV Stevie is back from vacation but doesn't quite feel rested. Email TV Stevie



You've probably heard the rumours that both Arrested Development and Friends might be getting adapted for the silver screen. Jason Bateman and Courtney Cox just won't stop talking about them (possibly because neither has had much success since).

But as much as I enjoyed Arrested Development (and even Friends) when they were on the tube, I'm not sure that either one warrants a movie. I mean, as hilarious as it was, why would Arrested make a movie when it couldn't even draw enough viewers to stay on television?

Friends, on the other hand, was a blockbuster of a smash of a hit disguised as a TV show. It inspired haircuts and gave birth to (middling) movie careers. But would I pay 12-something to watch a two-hour episode in an uncomfortable movie theatre for the right to see a giant David Schwimmer while munching on $8 nachos? I can't give you a definitive "no," but I can promise you that I'll feel stupid if I do it.

The fact of the matter is that if Arrested Development or Friends make a really good movie, it'll be among the first TV-to-movie adaptations to ever do so. And it's not for a lack of trying, or even for a lack of profits. Other than franchises and sequels, TV shows that are made into movies appear to be the most common and lucrative movies one can make.

But that doesn't mean they're good, or even anything resembling good. Here's a quick list of TV shows that became movies (excluding SNL spin-offs, anything I couldn't force myself to care about, and anything that came before the mid-1990s, for those of us who enjoy quizzically random cutoff dates...and also in no particular order):

• Get Smart
• Dukes of Hazzard
• Brady Bunch
• Charlie's Angels
• The Fugitive
• Lizze McGuire
• The X-Files
• Mr. Bean
• I Spy
• Scooby Do
• The Beverly Hillbillies
• Lost in Space
• Trailer Park Boys
• The Mod Squad
• George of the Jungle
• Starsky and Hutch
• Serenity (based on Firefly)
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• South Park
• Transformers
• The Simpsons

Only Brendan Fraser could've captured George.

As expansive as this list may seem, it's basically just what I was able to research during the same five minutes in which I was checking fantasy baseball stats and also eating six Premium Plus crackers. So you can assume that there are others I haven't mentioned.

I could've easily thrown in titles like The Fugitive, Mission: Impossible, The Brady Bunch Movie and even A Very Brady Sequel, the point being that making a TV show into a movie is no uncommon thing.

But you already knew that. I'm more interested in focusing on what we don't know. Within this article, I want to...

a. Explain why so many TV shows eventually become movies.
b. Gain a better understanding of what makes a good TV-to-feature adaptation, and what can sink one.
c. Take a few more (justified) digs at The Sex and the City Movie, which was at least 12 times worse than the actual show.

*****

So why do TV shows get made into movies so often?

This question is simple to answer. TV shows are made into movies because we're dumb, and people smarter than us exploit this dumbness to make money.

Even shows that were pretty much pointless like George in the Jungle and The Beverly Hillbillies become movies, and we, the public, ending up showing up at the box office to the tune of at least $100 million every time (except, of course, when that doesn't happen, which is sometimes).

Somewhere between cancellation and movie time, we seem to talk ourselves into believing that a show was better than it actually was. I fully expect there to be a movie version of Gilligan's Island at some point, but that doesn't mean that show made any sense at all, or was anything more than a show that was popular because it played during a time when there were four channels and few reasonable options.

But just because we're familiar with characters and a concept doesn't mean a show can be extended to make a whole film. I may have thought George of the Jungle was funny for about 10 seconds when I was four, but that doesn't mean I'd pay money to see Brendan Fraser in anything. After all, it's Brendan Fraser, and he's the Drew Barrymore of male actors.

One of my favourite TV adaptations.

The bottom line is that TV shows get made into movies because we're dumb, which means we'll pay to watch them. I'm not saying that you're personally dumb because you spent your hard earned dough to watch a crappy show that became a crappy movie. I'm saying that we're all dumb because we've all done it at some point. And if you haven't done that, then you're probably not reading TV Stevie right now. So you can stick it, person who isn't reading this!

But what makes a successful TV-to-movie adaptation? What can sink one?

First of all, if the show was a piece of junk when it was on TV, it's highly unlikely that it'll make anything that resembles a decent movie. The exception to this rule was The Brady Bunch Movie, which was actually somewhat brilliant in placing TV's most wholesome family of the 1970s and displacing them into the hardscrabble (cinematic) world of the 1990s.

Sadly, a lot of TV shows become movies because producers know that simply updating a product is much easier (and often more profitable) than coming up with an original idea. There's a better chance of the public connecting with a remake of The Addams Family than connecting with an equally boring movie starring weirdo with whom we're unfamiliar.

Typically, TV movies are made long after the series has been cancelled with a completely new cast and a totally revamped look. Producers think it's cool to make I Spy with helicopters and special effects that would've killed at least six members of the crew if attempted at any point during the 1980s. It's assumed that the public will swoon beneath the charms of a circa-2000 robot as part of a new Lost in Space.

Plain and simple, the movie can't simply be a continuation of the show. People hold feature films to a different standard than they do television. Movies have to be better, more spectacular, because we're expected to make an effort to go out and drop some money on this thing. We need value in return.

Transformers made a ton of money because it was light years ahead of the cartoon we watched as kids. It took the story to another level with explosions, CGI graphics and Megan Fox. And that's precisely what a TV-turned-movie needs to do.

Not that I really liked Transformers.

How do you explain the disaster that was The Sex and the City Movie?

The short answer is that it was simply because Carrie Bradshaw is such an irritating character. But that's only part of it.

The biggest reason is that there was absolutely no point to making this movie, other than to cash in on girls who drink Cosmopolitans and blow their money on expensive shoes. Nothing really happened. It was a cash grab of the most obvious sort.

One of my favourite TV adaptations.

In the film, we basically pick up with the Sex girls where we left off at the series finale. We catch up with the characters, who've basically become characters of who they were when the show was interesting (especially Samantha) enjoy a bit of conflict, and then end up right back where we started. It was no less formulaic than a typical episode of ALF or Perfect Strangers. In attempting to please the masses while buidling a story that could be enjoyed by somebody who didn't watch the show, Sex and the City betrayed its core fans and ultimately made a very crappy movie.

But what made Sex and the City bad on a truly historical level was the scene when Carrie confronted Mr. Big when she thought he was ditching her at the altar (it rivals anything you might have seen in Gigli). Kristin Davis' overacting borrowed from the school of Jim Carrey, and if Sarah Jessica Parker ever plays a role in a movie where she discovers her entire family was murdered in cold blood, she'd still have to tone down her reaction from how she performed this scene. I was delighted and horrified all at once (not by the movie, but by the fact that I was taking a sick enjoyment from it).

Sex and the City was very nearly the worst case scenario for a TV show being turned into a movie, saved only by the fact that I love to hate Carrie so very much, and I was just waiting for her to do something that would make my blood boil. I suppose if that was the lone criterion I had in judging this movie, Sex and the City is a 10 out of 10.

Hmm, let's just forget the 1,300-and-however-many words I wrote before this sentence. Thanks. I appreciate the understanding.

Ten years on

'Same time, same place' goes the expression, and those words will find special resonance in France this week, a decade on from the most famous chapter in the country's sporting history. Two goals from Zinedine Zidane and one from Emmanuel Petit earned Les Bleus a 3-0 victory over Brazil in the FIFA World Cup™ Final on 12 July 1998, and the architects of that legendary win will celebrate its tenth anniversary at the Stade de France on Friday.

The memories remain extremely vivid for those involved, but few of Aime Jacquet's 22-man squad are involved in football now. FIFA.com goes in search of France's world champions to find out where they are now and what is occupying their time.

Every year their numbers seem to dwindle, yet five members of that all-conquering squad have yet to hang up their boots. David Trezeguet and Thierry Henry were just 20 at the time, so it is no surprise to find them plying their trade at two of Europe's leading clubs, with the latter now preparing for his second season at Barcelona after shining in England with Arsenal earlier in his career. Having netted 45 times for his country, Titi has also overtaken Michel Platini as France's record marksman, while Trezegol, who today retired from international football, has surpassed the current UEFA President's tally for Juventus, courtesy of his 156 strikes for the Turin giants.

A year older than that duo, Patrick Vieira can still be seen striding across pitches with his famous long legs. Another former Gunners idol, the France captain has contributed to Inter Milan's Serie A success over the last two seasons, though he has also struggled with injuries of late. His most recent denied him any participation at UEFA EURO 2008.

As for Robert Pires, his erstwhile colleague in north London, the 34-year-old has retired from the international stage but proved a key player last season for Villarreal, who were the surprise runners-up in La Liga ahead of Lilian Thuram's Barcelona. That could well prove to be Thuram's last professional campaign, too, after the former Parma defender was denied a move to Paris Saint-Germain due to a heart problem.

From pitch to bench
As many people expected, the charismatic leaders of France's class of 1998 opted for coaching roles almost as soon as their playing careers drew to a close. Jacquet's captain, Didier Deschamps, blazed the trail in that sense, leaving the pitch for the last time after a season at Valencia in 2001 and taking over the reins at Monaco a month later. Barely five years into his new vocation, the promising young tactician had already experienced a UEFA Champions League final with Monaco and led Juventus to the Serie B title, despite starting the season at a nine-point deficit.

Without a club since leaving Turin in 2007, Deschamps has yet to cross swords with his old team-mate Laurent Blanc, who took over at Bordeaux last summer. Nine years after converting Trezeguet's pass to earn the French a golden-goal victory over Paraguay in the Round of 16, Le Président worked similar magic during his first season in wine country. In fact, it took champions Lyon until the very last day of the campaign to seal their seventh successive Ligue 1 crown, after Blanc masterminded Bordeaux's dogged pursuit. Safe to say then that the unflappable former centre-back will be looking to deny them an eighth when the action gets going again in August.

Bernard Lama and Lionel Charbonnier, two unused squad members ten years ago, have also gone down the coaching route. Lama occupied the Kenya hot-seat for just five weeks before taking up a post alongside Vieira at a Senegalese training academy, while former Auxerre goalkeeper Charbonnier is currently enjoying life in the southern hemisphere as Tahiti's national technical director. And they may well be joined in their new pursuits by Bernard Diomede, who is currently studying for his coaching badges, and Vincent Candela, who became a players' agent after calling time on his own playing days.

Family affairs
An elegant attacking midfielder at his peak, Youri Djorkaeff wasted no time at all in fulfilling one of his pre-retirement dreams. Indeed, just a few months after ending his career in New York, the 40-year-old became president of his childhood club Union Generale Armenienne de Decines in April 2007. The outfit, based in the suburbs of Lyon, is practically a family enterprise for the Djorkaeffs as one of Youri's brothers is vice-president, the other is a member of the team and his father, former France international Jean, is the general manager.

Marcel Desailly can also be said to have kept things in the family as he has joined the staff at AC Milan, his former employers and a club which prides itself on maintaining strong links with its former stars. Aside from his duties as a scout for the Rossoneri, The Rock was also involved in organising the CAF Africa Cup of Nations 2008, which took place in his native Ghana, and can often be heard sharing his expertise on radio and television.

The media has also proved to be a popular destination for Desailly's colleagues, and Bixente Lizarazu, Christophe Dugarry and Franck Leboeuf have all tried their hands at punditry. Former Chelsea defender Leboeuf has also kept one foot in the game as player-coach for Hollywood United, an amateur side featuring both retired players and stars of the entertainment industry. Anthony LaPaglia, Vinnie Jones, Eric Wynalda, Alexi Lalas, Robbie Williams and Ziggy Marley can all be seen showing off their moves under the France 1998 veteran's watchful gaze.

Ambassador, driver and salesman
In complete contrast, some members of that history-making side have followed paths leading them far away from the game of football. Following his second taste of a FIFA World Cup Final in 2006, for example, Zinedine Zidane chose to use his fame to help charitable causes. Whether he is representing the European Leukodystrophy Association (ELA) or serving the United Nations as a Goodwill Ambassador alongside Ronaldo, the former Real Madrid playmaker is reluctant to turn his back on those in need. As a result, ten years after breaking millions of hearts there, Zizou recently visited Brazil to open a stadium in a Sao Paulo favela, and his presence helped secure nine tonnes of food for the local inhabitants.

Used in a holding role behind Zidane at the Stade de France, Emmanuel Petit is still following in his old team-mate's footsteps away from the pitch. The former Arsenal midfielder now spends much of his time contributing to the causes close to his heart, campaigning for the protection of the environment and against genetically modified organisms. As for Christian Karembeu, meanwhile, the FIFA Ambassador in Oceania now devotes his boundless energy to promoting tourism and development in his native New Caledonia.

Lifting the FIFA World Cup Trophy can open many doors, it seems, as Fabien Barthez has recently discovered a passion for automobile racing, aside from his role starting an academy for aspiring goalkeepers. Just as bizarrely, Alain Boghossian now holds the title of captain of the French junior golf team, while Stephane Guivarc'h spends the working week selling swimming pools. The former striker has not cut all his ties with the game, though, as he also turns out for a team in the Promotion d'Honneur, France's ninth tier.

Ten years on from the crowning glory of their careers, the 22 players who took France to the global summit will clearly have plenty of catching up to do this

The five greatest things about Canadian television

The five greatest things about Canadian television

Bubbles personifies Canadian TV for me.

TV Stevie is sore in the saddle after horseback riding. Email TV Stevie



There was a time my life, somewhere around my mid-20s, where I was completely against nationalism in any form, and, subsequently, pretty ambivalent towards Canada.

Every country was merely a corporation, I reasoned, and rooting for one over another would be no different than cheering for the leading money winner on the PGA Tour, which is to say that it felt ridiculous to do so.

Of course, this happened while I was still an angry young man (as opposed to my current condition as a doddering old fool), and probably the angriest time of my life if you don't count the year I was going through puberty while simultaneously discovering Nine Inch Nails and working through an acne problem. Bad times.

I was in my mid-20s, single, and reading a lot of conspiracy theory content in books and on the Internet. Clearly, this isn't the best combo for achieving any semblance of sanity. All I can say is that if you're going to allow yourself to believe this material (and you've got to consider the source before you get too deep), you should also be prepared to have your mind switched to "blown" for at least a few months.

Needless to say, the government (otherwise known as The System) is the sworn enemy of the conspiracy theorist. They're ruling us and they're manipulating us, and from every toothache in your mouth to every ticket you get for speeding, you can point the finger directly at The Man. I was buying it (to a degree), and I was pretty steamed about the whole perceived manipulation, to say the least.

And, if you're pissed off at the government, you're generally also pissed off about the whole concept of countries, and subsequently resentful against your own nation for participating in this debacle of a system. So, following that questionable progression of logic, I was down on Canada.

Of course, a few months later, I ran out of steam when it came to being angry. I'm a silly person by nature, and it simply didn't feel right to be so glum about everything. Essentially, anger is born from fear, fear is produced from jelly candy, and jelly candy makes my stomach hurt, so, after some deliberation, I gave up this vendetta against The Man (though we still aren't friendly) and returned to my roots of making nonsensical quips about television, with snide remarks about the system peppered in to flavour.

And, after consideration, it occurred to me that I had no reason to be down on Canada, particularly since my own experience growing up here has been nothing but good (the lack of interest I received from Canadian girls during high school notwithstanding). Being born in Canada is like winning the spiritual/karmic lottery, since life would've probably been much trickier had I been born in the Middle East, or even in the US.

TV is Canada doesn't need cash to be great.

I have to admit it: I love Canada. There's nowhere I'd rather live. Other than the weather -- which admittedly sucks it most of the time, although it still offers a somewhat appealing yin-yang balance -- Canada gets top marks across the board. This is a nation of good vibes, good land and good people. We also invented poutine!

In five years of writing this column, I don't think I've ever expressed a full appreciation for my country on its birthday. Today, with an unnecessarily long personal anecdote (sadly, one of the few ways I can express my true appreciation), I say, "Thanks, Canada."

And Happy Birthday!! In honour of your special day, I present to you my list of the five things I most love about Canadian TV...

*****

5. The near-total lack of funding

I'm certain that there are more than a few people out there who think that budget restraints are exactly what is sinking Canadian TV, but, in my opinion, that simply couldn't be further from the truth.

While it's tue that Canadian shows will never, ever, EVER compete with their American counterparts when it comes to how much they can spend on production, which clearly preclude a Canadian production from hiring seriously famous star, and may also limit a show to one elaborate set instead of four, which can certainly handcuff a narrative in a lot of ways, the fact remains that a lack of money probably does more good than harm.

This financial condition forces the Canadian TV industry into a state of heightened creativity, while also compelling it to consider the focused needs of its audience. Year after year, Canada produces a bumper crop of eminently watchable reality shows, sitcoms, dramas and even sci-fi fare. The best of these produce quality episodes on a consistent basis because, considering our population, there in a ton of talent in this country. And, for those who value the work as much as the paycheque, there's more creative freedom offered on Canadian TV than they'd ever find in the cookie cutter US TV business.

The bottom line is that anyone who truly has a story to tell will find a way to get around budgetary constraints, while a big American network can and will shackle creativity. If your show's good enough, chances are that it'll end up in the international market before long, scoring producers a payday similar to the one they might've received had they gone south.

Lorne Michaels has done a good job representing Canadian humour to the world.

*****

4. Canadian humour

Hollywood has long since recognized that Canadians are incredibly good at being funny. Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Ivan Reitman and Lorne Michaels all hail from Oh Canada, and you just can't be more successful than those guys.

But Canadian humour starts in Canada. Obviously, I'm not referring to that sort of milquetoast, House of Commons laughs you might get from Royal Canadian Air Farce. I've got nothing against that type of show, but it's not really the sort of thing that makes me laugh.

What I love is when some fresh-faced Canadian gets an opportunity to really make a show. Trailer Park Boys is the perfect example of this. Mike Clattenburg was a guy who had a little experience making a local TV show in Halifax and an idea. From that was born one of the funniest shows and most unique shows in Canadian history, a program that will impact our culture for years after it was on the air. While TPB was basically a show made without any substantial amount of money, it became the very essence of Canadian humour being properly displayed on Canadian TV.

*****

3. John Dore

Granted, John Dore hasn't been "on the scene" quite as long as some of my other Canadian favourites, and he's getting his own section in this article based partly upon the fact that I've never given him an extensive mention prior to this column. Still, I think it's time that the people who read TV Stevie become aware that The John Dore Television Show is one of the funniest, most offbeat and unique shows to hit Canadian airwaves since the days of Jonovision or as far back as The Hilarious House of Frightenstein.

Filmed in a mock-documentary style that became common after This Is Spinal Tap back came out in 1984, Dore's show seems to tap into an unexplored comic territory where the star has an opportunity to mockingly address the issues in his own life over a period of 30 minutes (or 22 if you subtract commercials) while playing a pseudo-realistic version of himself. It's kind of like Curb Your Enthusiasm, only less neurotic and more Canadian. Amazingly, it might even be funnier than the (slightly) higher budget Curb, although that's probably a matter of personal opinion.

John Dore provides hope for The Comedy Network.

Despite being one of Canadian Idol's original attempts to clone Ryan Seacrest, Dore bounced back and popped up all over the Canadian TV landscape, including some time on MuchMore in addition to a return engagement on Idol. Soon enough, Dore's talent as a funnyman was recognized by The Comedy Network, which made one of the best decisions in its history by debuting the first 13 episodes of John Dore on October 17, 2007.

I don't mean to pick nits with The Comedy Network, but when your primetime schedule features The Simpsons and South Park reruns every single night of the week, while also recycling Canadian content like Corner Gas, Air Farce and an endless supply of Just For Laughs, you're not really making full use of homegrown talent.

Right now, along with Keys to the VIP, Dore is the only thing distinguishing Comedy Network from any other channel that exclusively plays content it didn't make and therefore can't completely represent the broadcaster. If they can build on these shows, the cable outlet may finally be able to establish an identity as something other than a rest home for retired sitcoms. It can become a place for truly funny Canadians to blossom. Maybe.

*****

2. An increasing number of alternatives to the CBC

To be fair, the CBC is still a big part of the Canadian TV scene, if not the biggest part. This crown-owned corporation is the oldest broadcasting service in Canada, and I appreciate how it works to protect and perpetuate uniquely Canadian stories that might otherwise be lost in the shuffle or forgotten.

But the CBC sure is boring a lot of the time, isn't it? Even when it's trying really hard to be funny (as with jPod or This Hour Has 22 Minutes), our national broadcaster seems to be trying harder to impress some distant viewer in England than its viewers in Canada.

That's why it's nice to see so many other broadcasters popping up in Canada. Granted, a lot of these channels are owned by Canadian media conglomerates like Canwest or Bell Globemedia, but at least these corporate giants are giving Canadians a chance to make television without having to wait for their Green Card to come through.

Slice, Showcase, TVtropolis and the Much series of channels are just a few examples of how Canadian broadcasters have provided an array of options for Canadians who are no longer satisfied with being told exactly how it is by the CBC. There's more room for a Canadian voice on TV than ever before.

The CBC logo couldn't be creepier if it tried.

That being said, it seems ridiculous that CBC no longer has the rights to the Hockey Night in Canada song. I don't even really like hockey anymore (thank for nothing, Bettman), yet it still seems exceedingly dumb that the song and the show have been separated. How evil must an evil genius be to come up with this evil plot? You'd need a real dedication to evil.

*****

1. The unexpectedly huge stable of awesome on-air hosts

There's something about hosting a show in Canada that gives previously-inexperienced hosts a chance to connect with their audience on a sincere level. While Dave Letterman or Regis feel like they're being beamed into our homes from outer space, a Canadian host on a similar kind of show often feels like they're right around the corner.

I'm referring to the ones who are just like us, of course. At this point, it feels like Cabbie is a part of the family. Darryn Jones has been working consistently and amusingly since he first started on Buzz years ago. Even Mike Bullard, who was at times irritating and at better times a little bit less irritating, still felt like he was part of the family. Even though I rarely watched his show (sorry, Mike), I still felt bad when he got cancelled. It's never pleasant when someone you feel like you know loses their job, right?.

And then you have the crème de la crème of Canadian TV, personal favourites like Jonathan Torrens, Andrew Anthony and George Stroumboulopoulos. (I won't mention any newscasters due to residual feelings related to the story at the top of this page.) Throw in Ed the Sock, Diane (from MTV), and Dini Petty (an odd personal favourite I may regret broadcasting), and you've got an unbelievable, quirky, intelligent and often hilarious stable of TV presenters that can hold my interest any time they're on the tube thanks to a charm and sincerity that is unique to these quintessentially lovable Canucks.

[Note: If Ben Mulroney is reading this, I've got a way to help you get right near the top of this list. Have your people call my people. Actually, have your people call me. My people haven't actually come into existence. Yet.]

The only thing that prevents MTV from being Canada's most repugnant station (and it still might get that title) are the hosts who approach the station's godless programming with a sense of irony. One the few things that makes the CBC great is that they had the moxie put Jonovision on the air when that style of show hadn't previously existed in this country. And Dini Petty was oddly attractive, although that has almost nothing to do with the point I've been trying to make.

Canada's TV hosts are the best in the world, and they're what make Canadian television truly unique while giving it an identity that suitable represents this country to all those out there in TV land who can access it.

Have a great Canada Day!

8,5 самых крутых легавых

«Полицейская академия»

Андрей Миронов

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Итак, Евро-2008 позади. «Что войдет в историю футбола?» – размышляя над этим, немецкая газета в понедельник на полполосы разместила фотографию Андрея Аршавина, который 180 минут был вынужден лишь смотреть футбол, а затем вывел россиян в полуфинал. «Двум его турнирным голам суждена вечность», – убеждены немецкие спортивные комментаторы.