September 29, 2008

By David Topping

The Best of Word On The Street

Photo by Jen Cooper.

Once a year, on the last Sunday of September, Queen's Park is transformed into a haven for lovers of the written word. Not only is Word On The Street a great chance to find both book and magazine publishers offering deep discounts and freebies, but readers also get a chance to meet their favourite scribes in person. With more than 250 exhibits, about 250 of Canada's top authors, poets, storytellers, and presenters, and close to 200 readings, performances, and workshops, Toronto's edition of Word On The Street can be a daunting day to navigate. That's why Torontoist has put together a handy list of highlights so you can use your time wisely on September 28 to catch the best of the best and, of course, a deal or two.

Launch Pop-up Map

The Bestseller's Stage, located on the east side of Queen's Park, is exactly what it sounds like. Here you'll catch inspiring A-list writers like Andrew Pyper (11:45 a.m.) and Austin Clarke (2 p.m.) reading from their latest releases. The author signing tents throughout the park also mean you can grab some face time with the person that penned the book on your bedside table. If you're looking for something a little different than the top ten, head on over to the Comic and Graphic Novels Tent a few tents over to take in Ray Fawkes and Cameron Stewart discussing their fabulous futuristic girl-rock graphic novel The Apocalipstix (1:30 p.m.), or hang out with indie-hero Jim Munroe and celebrated cartoonist Ramón Pérez for "10 Tips to Get Your Writing Out There."

Lovers of a literary look at Toronto will want to spend a bulk of their day at the Diaspora Dialogues Tent in the centre of the park. The organization, which strives to support the creation and presentation of new fiction, poetry, and drama about our city, has managed to schedule what is perhaps the most interesting roster of the day. Noteworthy writers each take on a T.O. neighbourhood for description and discussion. The day starts with Katherine Govier and others tackling The Annex and Downtown (11 a.m.), writers such as Ken Babstock take on "The Far East" at 2 p.m., and the day ends with "Aren't We Awful?" a fantastic Toronto Noir showcase featuring indie stars RM Vaughan, Emily Schultz, Heather Birrell, Sean Dixon, and Nathaniel G. Moore.

If queer is what you're there for, head next door to the Proud Voices Tent to check out the always entertaining R.M. Vaughan reading from his latest poetry release, Troubled (12:30 p.m.), or catch Derek McCormack reading from his already well-received brand new novella The Show That Smells (4:30 p.m.) There's also a little something for grown-ups at the Ideaspace Young Adult Marquee. At 1 p.m. you can watch Mariko Tamaki make an appearance with her critically acclaimed graphic novel Skim, while YA author and self-proclaimed saucy tart Kristyn Dunnion appears with Big Big Sky at 1:30 p.m.

If that weren't enough, there are plenty of musical acts to enjoy throughout the day at the Eye Weekly Music Stage, hosted by writer Brian Joseph Davis. You can start off with a little Forest City Lovers at 11:45 a.m. and end the perfect day right with Ohbijou at 5:15 p.m.

Don't forget the all-day deals. There will be slashed prices and freebies with purchase at the Broken Pencil Magazine table, and toonie back issues for sale at both Taddle Creek and Shameless Magazine. Coach House Books will be offering most of their stock tax-free and for 25% off, while both House of Anansi and Groundwood Books are offering backlist titles for a mere $5 or $10. Like many publishers, Anansi’s going green this year, forgoing plastic bags and encouraging book buyers to visit the Groundwood Books booth to receive a free tote with purchase. If you don't plan to take advantage of the freebie, make sure you bring your own to cart around all of your finds.

Toronto's Word On The Street runs from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. at Queen's Park on September 28. Check out their website for a comprehensive events listing, author bios, contests, and more.

Bloor-yorkville Celebrates Scotiabank Nuit Blanche

When: Saturday, October 4, 2008 6:52 pm to sunrise
Where: Throughout Bloor-Yorkville a free all night contemporary art event

For one sleepless night experience local Independent Projects and shop for Midnight Madness.

One night only. All night long.

From sunset at 6:52 pm on Saturday, October 4, to sunrise at 7:14 am on Sunday, October 5, 2008, Bloor-Yorkville will be bustling with activity, as thousands experience a full night of contemporary art and performance. Bloor-Yorkville BIA is proud to be an Arts Patron for Zone A.

Thousands of people will be attending this all-night gallery crawl and street celebration. From sunset to sunrise on October 4th Bloor-Yorkville will be part of the excitement where our zone will host 12 exhibitions in galleries and museums and unexpected places.

FREE PARKING – MANULIFE CENTRE
6 pm (Sat. Oct. 4th) to 6 am (Sun. Oct. 5th)
Manulife Centre Underground Parking is conveniently located in the heart of Bloor-Yorkville with easy access off Charles Street , 1 block south of Bloor.

For more information please visit: www.bloor-yorkville.com

MIDNIGHT MADNESS:

6:52 pm – Midnight
One night only in Bloor-Yorkville.
A unique shopping & dining experience.

In addition to extended subway hours, over 37 Bloor-Yorkville shops, galleries, salons, restaurants, coffee shops and bars will be open for Nuit Blanche Midnight Madness from 6:52 pm to Midnight.

See details on participating locations with special promotions and entertainment: http://www.bloor-yorkville.com/nuit_...anche0808.html

Bloor-Yorkville will become an artist playground for a series of exhilarating art experiences including the following:
INDEPENDENT PROJECTS: BLOOR – YORKVILLE

NB POST
Village of Yorkville Park ( Cumberland St. & Bellair St .)
416-928-3553 x 24
Laura Pacione
Installation, Performance Art

At NB Post, efficient chaos is our business. Step into the NB Post Office and select a completely unique postcard. Write a message, drop it in the mailbox and NB Post will do the rest!

Wearing the official NB Post uniform, postal workers will travel all over Zone A in search of recipients. The mail will arrive on time, all night long! NB Post prides itself on being an equal opportunity mail service; everyone should have the opportunity to experience the joy of letter mail!

To facilitate this equal-opportunity mandate, NB Post will pre-address all of its postcards for delivery to YOU in Zone A. Enthusiastic postal workers will proudly announce the arrival of the mail: “YOU Sir…yes, YOU! There’s mail here for YOU! Young lady, here’s your mail! Let me check the address… Oh yes, Zone A… It’s addressed to YOU.”

SUPPORTED BY:




Laura Pacione, NB Postcard
Photo: Alistar Scott

Church of the Redeemer
162 Bloor St. West
416.922.4948

Special musical performances.
Music Concert
www.theredeemer.ca


Drabinsky Gallery
122 Scollard St.
416.324.5766

Contemporary Art
Selected American and International Artists.
Visual Art
www.drabinskygallery.com




Drabinsky Gallery, Exterior

Gallery Gevik
12 Hazelton Ave.
416.968.0901

Harold Town Exhibition: Paintings and Works on Paper
Featuring an insightful presentation of the art & life of Harold Town by guest speaker, author Iris Nowell 9-10 pm.
Visual Art, Guest Speaker
www.gevik.com




Harold Town, Toy Horse
# 229, 1979
Photo: Gallery Gevik

Gardiner Museum
111 Queen’s Park
416.586.8080

Z’otz Collective at Mexican Days of the Dead: Food for Thought
Nahum Flores , Erik Jerezano, Ilyana Martinez
Installation, Sculpture, Visual Art, Performance Art, Video Installation, Multimedia Installation

Z’otz Collective will collaborate all night to create a multimedia drawing, “The Elephant’s Notes and Other Clay Encounters” in the Gardiner Museum lobby.
www.gardinermuseum.com




Z’otz Collective,
The Loot 2008
Photo: Z’otz Collective

Hollander York Gallery
110 Yorkville Ave.
416.923.9275

Dusk ‘til Dawn: Painting to the Beat
Lynda Schneider-Granatstein, Elka Nowicka, Douglas Edwards, Valerie Butters

Gallery artists & the city’s musicians will keep the mood lively and the night young as paintings emerge on canvasses to the beat of live jazz.
www.hollanderyorkgallery.com




Leif Ostlund, Gallery artist painting at Hollander York Gallery – Nuit Blanche 200
Photo: Meiling Kim

Japan Foundation
131 Bloor St. West, 2nd Floor , The Colonnade
416.966.1600 x 229

Flight over Landscapes
Akira Kurosaki, Kyoko Sakamoto, Wayne Crothers, Rebecca Salter, Keisuke Ohno, Miki Kuroki, Ralph Kiggell, Keizo Sato, Moya Blight, Elizabeth Forrest, Hiroaki Matsu, Mamoru Oshii
Visual Art, Video Installation

A contemporary woodblock exhibition featuring 10 artists presented with a special DVD screening of “Tokyo Scanner” by Hiroaki Matsu and Mamoru Oshii.
www.jftor.org




Tokyo Scanner DVD Screening – Japan Foundation

Kinsman Robinson
108 Cumberland St.
416.964.2374

Norval Morrisseau – Transcending One
Visual Art

By interpreting Ojibwa legends, Morrisseau depicts all levels of human existence. Viewers might experience a spiritual awakening by taking in the sheer size, complexity, symbolism and “healing” colours in these magnificent artworks.
www.kinsmanrobinson.com




Norval Morrisseau,
Shaman Appears Before All Creatures, 1991

Royal Ontario Museum
100 Queen’s Park
416.586.5524

The 2008 Sobey Art Award Exhibition
Tim Lee, Daniel Barrow, Terence Koh, Raphaeelle de Groot, Mario Doucette
Installation

The Institute of Contemporary Culture at the ROM hosts an exhibition of major recent works by five award winning finalists.
www.sobeyartaward.ca/winners

C5 Restaurant Lounge, atop the world-renowned Michael Lee-Chin Crystal, will be open for fine dining a la carte. Also open for your enjoyment is the Chen Court Cocktail Bar on Level One.




Mario Doucette, 1755 (Curling III), 2008

Royal Ontario Museum & Royal Conservatory of Music
Bloor St. West at Avenue Road
416.586.8000

Dance Royal 2008
Dr. Draw and diverse musical and dance performers
Performance Art, Light Installation, Music Concert

Violinist & artist Dr. Draw leads a spectacular 2-hour dance event, mashing musical genres from classical to rock, in front of the ROM from 9-11 pm.




Dr. Draw Performs at Bloor St. West at Avenue Road

Toronto Reference Library
789 Yonge Street
416-393-7131

Circus of Dreams
Group Exhibition
Installation, Performance Art

A light installation transforms the Toronto Reference Library's dramatic atrium into a nighttime forest space, featuring a waterfall fashioned from fabric. Participate in dreamy storytelling, led by the Rosedale Heights Improv Team. Inside the TD Gallery, discover the history of the Big Top - with posters, prints, rare books and other items from the library's Special Collections.

Outside on Yonge Street , thrill to the magic of fire dancers and stilt walkers from SwizzleStick Theatre (outdoors activities open from 7 pm to 1 am).
www.torontopubliclibrary.ca/nuitblanche




Toronto Reference Library, Circus of Dreams

Yay! - Yorkville at Yonge
Yorkville Avenue - Yonge St. to Bay St .

Shadow and Light Show & Outdoor Film Projection

Come see the shadow & light shows by Theatre Peace puppeteer, Guy Doucette in the windows above: 1 Yorkville Ave. , Historic Yorkville Library and Lovecraft for passers by to enjoy. A family film will be projected on a giant screen above 1 Yorkville Ave , 8:30 pm – midnight.




Shadow & Light Show along Yorkville Avenue (Yonge to Bay)

For full Scotiabank Nuit Blanche Guide details visit: www.scotiabanknuitblanche.ca
“Park after Dark from dusk until dawn”

The Toronto News Media Map and Advertising

Torstar, CTVglobemedia, Canwest, Rogers, Quebecor, and CBC are the big ones, but independents like Now and other web dailies (such as the one you're reading right now) are also vying for your eyes.

If you're getting the lion's share of your news from any given area on the map above, and not branching out and getting news from other sources, can you be sure that you're not missing out on equally valuable but different perspectives?

News media in Toronto is following trends similar to those around the world - large corporations buy up smaller companies, and they also diversify by purchasing other forms of media and entertainment properties (such as magazines, television stations, telecommunications, and even pro sports facilities). Needless to say, this has profound implications - including the increase in popularity of cross-property advertising.

It's expected that Rogers will use dedicated ad space to advertise its mobile phone, Internet, and TV services on the web pages of its subsidiary news organizations such as 680news and CityNews (much like blogTO promotes its Urban Maps in dedicated ad space on blogto.com).

But should it also be expected and accepted that those sames news organizations sell products and services through actual news articles?

Advertising masquerading as Toronto news isn't new, but it's sometimes so blatantly obvious and deceitful that it often makes me wonder how much we're willing to take, and how far this concept can be pushed.

Should Rogers be carefully and creatively crafting news bits to help sell over-priced football tickets, and appeal to our desires for a raise at work during tough economic times by hawking its magazines on CityNews.ca?

Should Canwest use arguably skewed news items in the National Post and Canada.com to advertise viral marketing ploys for TV shows on their entertainment TV networks?

Should CTVGlobeMedia allow advertisements for real estate listings to be slyly incorporated into the Ontario news RSS feed and posted as news articles in the Arts section of the Globe and Mail?

Does the fact that everyone's doing it make it more acceptable?

One thing is for sure - as the the news media landscape in Toronto continues to experience conglomeration, widening political slant, and a shift from print to clickable text online, it's becoming more and more important to understand who is who.

In the very least, it's my hope that the map above helps Torontonians better understand where their news comes from and help they better make decisions about what sources they rely on.

Emmy telecast bombs in ratings and reviews

By Steve Gorman

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The 60th annual Primetime Emmys show, roundly panned by critics as perhaps the worst ever, laid a big, fat ratings egg as well, with early figures pointing to the smallest audience in the awards' history.

According to preliminary data from Nielsen Media Research, ABC's three-hour Sunday telecast, featuring major wins for "Mad Men" and "30 Rock," averaged 12.2 million viewers, falling just below the historic low of 12.3 million posted by the 1990 ceremony aired on Fox.

Final national ratings for Sunday's broadcasts are due Tuesday.

By comparison, 13 million viewers tuned in for last year's ceremony and its farewell send-off of "The Sopranos," which ranked as the second-lowest Emmys audience on the books.

Sunday's telecast no doubt suffered from the fact that the shows and stars getting most of the attention, including best drama "Mad Men," comedy champion "30 Rock" and winning actors from shows like "Damages" and "Breaking Bad," represent programs that draw relatively few viewers themselves.

The Emmy telecast on ABC also collided in the eastern half of the country with NBC's highly rated Sunday Night Football broadcast of the Dallas Cowboys' 27-16 defeat of the Green Bay Packers.

And many New York viewers were likely siphoned off by an ESPN telecast of the last baseball game by the New York Yankees at historic Yankee Stadium.

Still, ABC's cause was not helped by an Emmy presentation that critics largely derided as a flop, especially an oddly ad-libbed opening monologue shared by five reality-show hosts who served as the evening's collective emcees.

In an apparent homage to their unscripted TV genre, Howie Mandell ("Deal or No Deal"), Ryan Seacrest ("American Idol") Jeff Probst ("Survivor"), Tom Bergeron ("Dancing with the Stars") and Heidi Klum ("Project Runway") took to the stage for about five minutes to joke about how they literally had nothing prepared to say.

Probst, Seacrest and Mandell then left the stage to Bergeron and Klum, who were joined by William Shatner for a gag that involved ripping off Klum's clothes.

The whole bit was panned by reviewers and other performers. Emmy winner Jeremy Piven, co-star of HBO's "Entourage," called the opening confusing and a "celebration of nothingness."

The ceremony then lurched into overdrive by mid-show with many presenters and winners forced to rush through their appearances to make up for lost time.

"It was hideously awful from start to harried finish, dragged down by five amateurish reality anchors who would have been unwelcome as guests, let alone hosts," USA Today wrote.

ABC, a unit of the Walt Disney Co. and fellow networks doubt hoped for a more auspicious official kickoff to prime-time TV's premiere week, seen by industry executives as a kind of reboot for television after last season was cut short by the Hollywood writers strike.

Reuters/Nielsen

Lesotho mine yields one of world's largest diamonds

Miners in the southern African kingdom of Lesotho have found one of the world's largest diamonds, a near-flawless white gem weighing nearly 500 carats, mining group Gem Diamonds said on Sunday.

The diamond was discovered in the Letseng Mine on September 8, the company said in a statement. It has been analyzed by experts in Antwerp and found to weigh 478 carats, with very few inclusions and of outstanding color and clarity.

"It has the potential to yield one of the largest flawless D color round polished diamonds in history," the company said.

Letseng is one of the most productive mines in history -- four of the world's 20 largest rough diamonds have been found at the mine, including the three largest found this century.

Before it is cut into gems it is hard to value the diamond, but a spokesman for Gem Diamonds said a similar weight stone with lesser-quality color and clarity had recently sold for $12 million (around 5.5 million pounds).

"Preliminary examination of this remarkable diamond indicates that it will yield a record breaking polished stone of the very best color and clarity," Clifford Elphick, the chief executive of Gem Diamonds, said in a statement.

The minister for natural resources in Lesotho, an impoverished mountain kingdom in eastern South Africa, praised the productivity of the mine, one of the highest in the world at more than 3,000 meters (10,000 feet).

"Once again Letseng has proved its ability to produce extraordinary diamonds and continues to place Lesotho at the forefront of diamond producing countries," Monyane Moleleki said in a statement.

Letseng is 70 percent owned by Gem Diamonds and 30 percent owned by the government of Lesotho.

The world's largest diamond is the Cullinan, discovered in South Africa in 1905. It weighed more than 3,100 carats before it was cut into more than one hundred separate gems, many of which are part of the British crown jewels.

(Reporting by Luke Baker; Editing by Mariam Karouny)

World's shortest man, leggiest woman meet in London's famed Trafalgar Square

By Nancy Zuckerbrod, The Associated Press

LONDON - Trafalgar Square routinely serves as a stage for mimes, jugglers and other acts, but the tourist attraction drew an exceptionally curious crowd Tuesday when the shortest man who can walk met the woman with the longest legs.

He Pingping, of China, stands precisely two feet 5.37 inches tall. The 20-year-old was born with a type of dwarfism.

He called Svetlana Pankratova's legs "very beautiful."

The two met, with He standing at Pankratova's knees, to publicize the release of "Guinness World Records 2009." This year's version of the popular book is due out Wednesday.

Pankratova, who is Russian but lives in Spain, has legs that are nearly 52 inches or 132 centimetres long. Her upper body has nearly typical proportions, giving her a giraffe-like appearance.

Dressed in a bright-blue mini-dress and low-heeled pumps, Pankratova, 36, said she liked her legs, though they can complicate things. "It's hard to find clothes, especially pants," she said.

She isn't the tallest woman on record. Sandy Allen, of Shelbyville, Ind., who died recently, held that title, according to the book. And He is the smallest man who is mobile, the books says.

The latest edition of the book lists pop star Britney Spears as the most-searched person on the Internet and the television show "Lost" as the most-downloaded show of all time.

The book has been around for half a century. About 3.5 million copies are sold each year, according to editor-in-chief Craig Glenday.

-

On the Net:

Guinness World Records:

http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/

25 Most Controversial Album Covers

by Rob O'Connor in List Of The Day

You can't judge a book by its cover? Sure you can! Really lame folk music always comes with an album cover that perfectly reflects the corniness within. Generic metal bands always manage some endless variation of an unreadable logo matched with bloody, "scary" imagery that isn't shocking to a junior high schooler. Metallica are banking on plain ugly!

Throughout rock history, controversy has helped sell records. And the easiest way to drum up controversy is by putting something on the album cover that you know is going to cause people to complain. It's cheaper and more prevalent than making an incendiary video that potentially no one will ever see. Or paying for advertising.

What's amazing is how few controversial album covers there have been, considering how many millions of albums have been released. The most controversial ones are often by bands that no one--besides a band's loyal cult following--has ever heard of. Therefore, the mainstream just ignores it. As long as it's not in MY backyard, it doesn't matter, seems to be the prevailing logic.

But once the kids start bringing home Appetite For Destruction in large quantities throughout suburbia, watch out!

A lot of these "controversial" album covers seem pretty harmless these days. But to think that including a toilet on your album cover was once deemed offensive is pretty quaint when you consider how often we're treated to herpes commercials on TV today. Not to mention all those promos for "soft rock" and "power ballads" collections that have done more to destroy the "moral fabric" of our country than a thousand middle-fingers airbrushed to oblivion.

That said, we here Yahoo! did apply a standard. There were a few album covers--the Scorpions' Virgin Killer and a band called Mayhem--that we deemed too offensive for our beloved audience. It's a tricky decision. But one where he had to decide that even we didn't want to have to look at it.

25) Lovesexy--Prince: Not everyone wants to look at a naked Prince. Some people would rather look at a paper bag.

24) Street Survivors--Lynyrd Skynyrd: Not so much controversial as bad karma, since the flames surrounding the band only served to remind everyone that they soon lost several members to a plane crash.

23) Achtung Baby--U2: Adam Clayton posed naked on the back cover and they eventually put an X over the "offending" spot. I'm all for artistic expression, but why do so many people want us to see them naked?

22) Nevermind--Nirvana: Personally, I don't think it's the little kid's genitalia that's offensive, so much as the kid's clamoring for the almighty dollar. What are parents teaching their kids? You want to negotiate these things. You want points. You want a percentage! Not just some stupid dollar.

21) Hefty Fine--Bloodhound Gang: Talk about a Man in a Box. From the looks of it, the model wasn't paid enough to do this. He doesn't look very happy. Do you think this improved his dating life? Could it? This guy's really out there somewhere, probably selling shoes. Did he do this to pay for an operation for his sister? To help bail his parents out of debt? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose. There must be some unusual beholders out there.

20) Love It To Death--Alice Cooper: What is it about the middle finger that causes so much trouble when it's extended? I just see it as another way of people saying hello. Isn't that what they're saying?

19) Moby Grape--Moby Grape: Moby Grape never became the huge success expected of them. When your marketing plan includes releasing five singles all at once so radio programmers don't know what to push and everyone's hearing something different, you've got a problem not even the folks at Sterling Cooper can fix. Don Stevenson, one of the Grape's four members who wasn't Skip Spence, was giving the middle finger from his washboard on initial pressings of the album. The record company sensibly airbrushed it out of subsequent printings, as America's moral status hung in the balance.

18) If You Can Believe Your Eyes And Ears--The Mamas And The Papas: Not only did the foursome pose in a bathtub but they had the nerve to leave the toilet in the shot for "realism." Was the bowl empty? Who knows? The record company quickly put a little sign over it letting us know what hits the album had in store for us. In a rare moment of honest advertising, the songs listed were actually hits and not some manager's wishful thinking.

17) Beggar's Banquet--The Rolling Stones: This album's release was held up because the Rolling Stones wanted an old toilet on the cover and the record company said no. The Stones were always courting controversy. It was their gestalt. Yet the record company had its limits and eventually won out with a white cover with just the name of the band and the album title made to look like a bland wedding invitation. Of course, by the time CD reissues were happening two decades later, the original album cover was then allowed and whatever "cutting edge" properties the cover possessed had been effectively blunted by years of people coming up with album covers considered to be much worse.

16) The Pros And Cons Of Hitchhiking--Roger Waters: Once the other guys in Pink Floyd finally got tired of being Roger Waters' back-up group, Waters was sent packing to go solo and try out his tuneless wonders on a crack band of session musicians. Always big on "concept," Waters put together an album about, I guess, hitchhiking. As one of six people who enjoyed The Final Cut, I must admit I never quite grasped (i.e. listened to) this Hitchhiking saga. I tried. But like trying to eat cardboard, it wouldn't go down. The original cover, however, did include an illustration of a woman's bare butt, which soon had a black box over it--to save civilization (natch).

15) Dark Side Of The Spoon--Ministry: It wasn't the allusion to heroin in the title or the presence of a naked obese person on the cover, but the dunce cap that encouraged retailers to refuse this Ministry album. Some took it not as a dunce cap, but as a Klan hat. I guess you could infer that the kid writing on the blackboard was naked because his robe was in the wash, but I still think it's a dunce cap.

14) Waking And Dreaming--Orleans: OK, so what is the guy in the middle looking down at? And is he smiling? The guy he's apparently looking at seems to be pretty impressed with himself. Supposedly, they all have jeans on below the crop. But this album turned me against group showers for life.

13) Tin Machine II--Tin Machine: Sure, the frontal nudity may have offended people who don't like looking at such things, but most David Bowie fans were more annoyed by the stiff, robotic, uninspired music contained within. The cover was, arguably, the highlight.

12) Country Life--Roxy Music: Rock musicians live such a charmed life that they often forget that the rest of society is trying to pretend these rock stars aren't as lucky as they are. Sex, drugs and rock n' roll really do beat working for a living. Unless you're a masochist. And naked girls seem to be one of the perks of the rock life. So, of course, the band would want you to see this instead of some boring old grass. I don't think people were really so much offended as just plain jealous.

11) Lovedrive--Scorpions: Nothing worse than getting your gum stuck on your date's breast. That's a pretty awkward moment. It's as if the Scorpions were auditioning for the part of Spinal Tap.

10) Your Turn To Fall--Jandek: Most Jandek albums are a moral affront to photographers everywhere. I could've chosen one of the blurry covers, but there is something so much more offensive, uncomfortable and controversial about the obvious sexual tension involved with this white desk. Don't stare at this one too long or else risk going blind.

9) Diamond Dogs--David Bowie: Dogs love their private parts. Just watch them expose them. Just watch them clean them. Just watch them use them. But when a person decides to become a canine, he must bear adult responsibility for his actions. And, therefore, David Bowie was forced to sacrifice his artistic ideals to appease the canine-sensitive members of his audience and cover up his doggie parts.

8) Ritual De Lo Habitual--Jane's Addiction: Two covers for this one. One with the first amendment, the other with nude artwork by Perry Farrell. By this point in time, bands kinda knew when they were screwing themselves, so what better way to have it both ways than to offer people options? If retailers don't want to see frontal nudity, then they can read a bunch of legalese. Oddly, the music inside still sounds the same.

7) Electric Ladyland--Jimi Hendrix: Jimi Hendrix liked women. He named his recording studio Electric Lady and his third studio album Electric Ladyland. To honor the album's title, someone (not Hendrix, who reportedly did not like the cover) put naked women on the cover of the British pressing. You can't put naked women on the cover of an album that is mostly going to be bought by impressionable young men. They might get the right idea. And then they might dodge the draft and do drugs and use the cardboard gatefold sleeve for unpure purposes. It's a slippery slope, this morality.

6) Amorica--The Black Crowes: Pubic Hair is a touchy subject. Like children, it should be seen and not heard, or rather it should be waxed and not seen. In any case, get out your airbrushes kids or your copy of photoshop, there's a job that needs to be done. It is true that some people--like me--should never wear a bikini. Some of us respect that.

5) Back To The S**t--Millie Jackson: "Muffle That Fart," one of the album's illustrious tracks, was once an option on a jukebox in a local diner. It got me to part with a few quarters. How could it not?

4) Appetite For Destruction--Guns n' Roses: It's a bit shocking, I know, to think that a wholesome, fun-lovin' group such as L.A.'s Guns n' Roses would choose album art that some might find offensive. The artist Robert Williams was already well-known in art circles and as long as Guns n' Roses were some struggling young glam metal band, no one really cared what they put on their album covers. But once it was apparent that G n' R would likely become a major cultural force destined to take over the minds and wallets of young America, if music retailers would stock the album, it was time to remove the raped and battered woman from the album's cover before the rest of society became infected like TB.

3) Yesterday And Today--The Beatles: The Beatles were pretty tame by today's standards. But they had such an effective hold on the youth of the day and were so central to the culture that anything they did brought heavy scrutiny. So to appear in butcher smocks with bloody meat and decapitated baby dolls on an album cover was likely to cause a few people to be "not pleased" with them. Being the Beatles, they were, of course, smiling and looking like it was all one big joke. Which, of course, it was. But this was 1966 and people were still wearing suits to attend baseball games, you think they were going to put up with this?

2) Unfinished Music, Vol. One: Two Virgins--John Lennon And Yoko Ono: I suppose they had to figure out some way to interest people into listening to these experiments in sound and if it took standing naked on the album cover then that was what it was going to take. Obscene? Well, it's not the most attractive cover photo I've seen. In these days where every pimple is airbrushed, the honesty and integrity of the cover shot is to be respected. But when I reach for a Lennon album, this isn't the one that comes to mind.

1) Blind Faith--Blind Faith: This is still a touchy subject because we're talking about kids and the age of consent, and if you've noticed a lot of old school rockers, who used to sing about having relations with underage girls now move their ages upwards of 18 and 19, instead of 15, 16. Then, you're probably not surprised to hear that a lot of people didn't think the idea of putting a barely pubescent girl with her top off was a good idea for an album cover even if the album did include Steve Winwood and Eric Clapton. They might've been a super group, but they still had to use some common sense.